We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
