singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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