i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
