She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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