Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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