Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
