Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
