my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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