is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
