96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
