its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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