I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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