It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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