i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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