Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
