i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
