I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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