I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
