You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
