i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
