Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
