So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
