i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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