remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
