i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
