$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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