my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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