this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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