he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
