Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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