I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
