I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
