jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
