This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
