So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
