hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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