At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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