The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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