The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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