He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
