Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
