Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize