my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hippo gnu deer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
