you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
