How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
