I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
