I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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