So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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