If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
