I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
