I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
