please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
