i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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