holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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