I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize