i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
