i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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