btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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