I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize