I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
