it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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