I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
