dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
