you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
