i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
