I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
