so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
