What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
