you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize