I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
