he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My vagina just clenched in fear
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