At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So here I am, sexting at work.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
