also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
