i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
