Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
