I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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