Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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