I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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