Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize