If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
