I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
